A Breaking Point

(a journal entry)

I have left behind a loving family, a mass of wonderful and supportive friends, a fun job, my dogs, my car, and everything I love about the mountains, rivers, trees, and lakes of the south. I have put off grad school and a career to be here. I have invested money (thanks mom and dad), much time, and a lot of heart into this whole ordeal.

For What?

At first it is because you want to help people; help them work together and find solutions and learn stuff. But then you get stressed with everything: culture, communication, time, loneliness, homesickness, and feeling like you are not doing any good. So your focus turns inward. You forget your original reason for being here and you start thinking, "what can I get out of this?" If nothing else you at least wanna make sure you have a good time, right? But you may even get to a point where even that is not motivation enough.

You look at yourself and realize you are miserable. You feel under-appreciated, used, and mistreated. You are exhausted, angry, hurt, frustrated, and fed up. Your brain is so fogged you can't make sense of anything. And you feel quite ready to just give up and end your misery. Why try anymore if you are this down and out?

You cry and blubber and hyperventilate, pitch your fits, and call for back-up. And maybe someone gives you that chance to take 2 steps back and think. And you realize that yes maybe you do still have strength even if you don't want to admit it. And maybe your pride falters and you think perhaps you have made mistakes and maybe you haven't tried everything… as angry as it makes you feel to say it.

It's the breaking point. A time when you decide what you really give a rats behind about. A time when you have to lay your stubbornness aside, and your pride, even when you feel like that is all you have left. As humans don't we just hate being humble? And we hate letting go of what little control we feel we have…

Grrrrr

I don't want to. I don't have to. But I think I can and maybe I should… even if and when it hurts. If I duck and cover through this entire experience I will never learn anything.

hikin'

I know I know... it's been a while

There's not much to explain other than the fact the Peace Corps is the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. Sometimes the frustrations outweigh the successes and the joy. In those times I find it better not to write updates.

In the spirit of remaining positive I will catch you up on a few of the exciting things that have happened lately.

Red Cross-

Recently I went through Instructor Training for CPR and First Aid. There were about 15 of us in the training and I was the only non-Lucian, so it was a lot of fun. Three teachers from different chapters of the American Red Cross came down just to do this training. They barely even had time to see more of St. Lucia than their hotel and the Red Cross building! On the last day some of the volunteers took them for a little trip down to Soufriere. Since the training, I have been doing a few classes here and there and teaching gives me a lot of insight into the culture and socio-economic issues of St. Lucia.  In some cases I really wish I knew fluent Kweyol because some of the students would have a much easier time understanding me.

A couple weeks ago I was able to organize with Peace Corps to have a visiting Coast Guard crew come and help paint the Red Cross building. About 20 guys showed up and, with the help of a few Red Cross Volunteers and some girls from a local school, we knocked out almost the whole inside of the upper floor (main area). Everyone really seemed to enjoy the day and it helped the Red Cross a lot as this is usually a big expense. I laughed on one occasion when I walked around to check on everyone. I was munching on a piece of cake from the snack table that the director had prepared, and when I approached one small cluster of Coast Guard guys one of them said to me, "you know that cake had ants crawling all over it don't you?" The fact is I had NOT noticed, but I deal with little ants in my kitchen on a daily basis, so this seemed no big deal. I looked down at my cake and then shrugged my shoulders and said, "well, I kinda live with ants… they don't really hurt anything…" The guys looked at me like I was crazy, which confused me on several levels. I mean, they are just ants, and I guess I just figured that a few little ants wouldn't bother big tough Coast Guard guys… but then again, maybe I've just been in Peace Corps too long. Moving on…

The school term is just about to start so things should be getting busier. The hope is that I will be able to go around and do HIV/AIDS education and peer education training with some of the secondary school groups. It should be fun if it all comes together. I am also hoping to pull together a small group of kids to form a junior Red Cross youth committee. With this group I will be able to do leadership training, life skills training, HIV/AIDS training, project design and management training, and even proposal writing (if I can learn to do that myself). Some of our training and activities will depend on what the group really wants, but ideally we will plan some peer education projects for HIV/AIDS education amongst youth.

Also! I got in touch with the Upstate SC Red Cross chapter Youth Services Specialist. She has put together some materials to send to me that I might find useful for leading a Red Cross youth group. She is also excited to start up a correspondence between my group and hers. This should be a fun way to build cross-cultural awareness.

That's a lot of fluff to explain what I would like to see happen. Currently not much is happening but planning and brainstorming. From what I understand this is normal for Peace Corps at this stage… at least I hope so.

Hiking-

After going a month or so with only one beach visit and no hiking, I FINALLY hooked up with the hiking group again this past Sunday. The day began in the typical fashion with meeting time at 7:30am but actual departure occurring at 10:00 or later. We traveled down to an area called Saltibus, which is sorta in the middle of the southern part of St. Lucia. From there we hiked to an incredible waterfall that had several big drops into large, welcoming pools of cool water (by Lucian standards COLD water). We spent some time swimming around and jumping off the lower part of the rocks around the waterfall. I had a good laugh at the shivering Lucians that braved the frigid waters. The water felt so nice. I think that's the first freshwater swim I have had in maybe over half a year!

We reluctantly left the waterfalls, donned our packs, and headed for a nice sloshing-wet hike through and around some streams toward a community called Fond St. Jacques. We had to bushwhack a little bit before we came to some rural trails and farmland. A few random goats, cows, and pigs were dispersed amongst the land and they gave us some hearty hellos. We stopped for a break while the guys reigned in the better half of a guava tree to pick some snacks J. Finally, we emerged from the wilderness onto a small road where we continued to walk almost all the way to Soufriere. Our bus, of course, was late. So we made up games for an hour and a half while sheltering under a bus stand. Five minutes into the wild and curvy bus ride home we were all dozing off between swerves and bumps.

Can't wait for the next adventure! Nothing like the forest to make your stress seem a million miles away…

As always, prayer and support is much needed and appreciated. I love to hear from you!

Carnival 2009

Me and Ilani at Carnival 2009

Crazy Carnival 2009

Yesterday I had the opportunity to experience St. Lucia Carnival. The past few weeks have been filled with parties to build up to this one big event. It is two days of dancing and parading. The Lucians call it "Jumping." If you are "jumping" it means that you are in a band or group of people that will parade, drink, and dance together. They parade all the way down a major highway by the northern airport into the capital, Castries, where they make a loop and start back again.

Each band has unique costumes that vary in amounts of coverage, some being rather skimpy. All the costumes are colorful and eccentric and some include masks and head dresses with all sorts of feathers and glitter. A few costumes had giant extensions that stretched almost all the way across the road.

The larger bands had semi trucks, which traveled with them carrying massive sound systems with towering, ear-busting speakers. Smaller vehicles provided food and drink for the parade participants and some bands even had trucks with outhouses in the back! Almost everyone at the parade had a cup, bottle, or hydration pack full of some sort of alcoholic beverage.

A group of us started watching at around 11:00am just outside of town at the corner where the parades were just beginning. The bands got increasingly wilder and crazier as the day went on. We later moved closer to town where the crowds were bigger. I snacked on chicken and bakes while I watched the mayhem commence. Rain sprinkled on and off all day long so we alternated between standing by the road, sheltering under a tent, and standing under our umbrellas. I was impressed that the parade marched on even in the rain… it's the only time I have ever seen so many Lucians out in the rain.

Around 5:00 the sky let loose. The rain came pouring down in sheets and the wind really picked up. Everyone dashed for the overhangs of the big buildings by the harbor. We waited for about an hour, but when the rains didn't seem to be letting up we decided to go ahead and face it and head to the busses. I had to brace my umbrella with my arm to keep it from collapsing as I pushed against the wind and sloshed through puddles (thank you chacos!). When I finally got to my bus stop, the busses were really scarce. One lone bus was sitting empty by the bus shelter and I promptly positioned myself near the door with a few others. I eyed the growing crowd under the shelter suspiciously as we all waited for the bus driver to return. At around 7:00, one hour later, the bus driver showed up and I was suddenly bombarded by a mob of wet, tired people. I grabbed the side of the door and literally pulled myself into the bus. It reminded me of the metro in Egypt, no lines, and no personal space. We crammed about 4 extra people into that tiny little bus. The ride home took another hour. Traffic was so backed up that the bus driver had to keep trying all sorts of different back routes that I had never seen before. The windows kept fogging and the air was musty from all the warm bodies packed in there like sardines.

I was so thankful to get home which was around 8:00pm. It was a long day on my feet and I was actually kind of cold in the rain! I put on comfy pajama pants and a hoodie and snuggled up in my warm little apartment. Yes, that's right a hoodie and pants in the Caribbean… I will truly freeze when I go home for Christmas!

What an adventure…

Steel Pan Fiesta 2009

Egypt Flashback Over Petit Piton

Normalcy Returns

A moment like this, where I get to be at home long enough to write for you, is rare these days. I am cherishing this day so much that I almost put off writing for another day at least! I'll attempt to give you a short but entertaining catch-up of these last few weeks, although I should say that it is becoming increasingly difficult to relate interesting stuff since life here seems ever more normal…

Recent Peace Corps Stuff:

School is out for the "summer" so I am using my school days to work on lesson plans for the life skills group that I will be working with in the primary school next term. I am making my lesson plans from scratch using various materials from the Peace Corps office and the Internet, which I am so thankful to have. The principal from my school will be joining me for a training session provided by the Peace Corps about life skills. I am hoping that this will be a helpful and informative time.

Since school is out, my work at the Red Cross is even less structured. Most of the Red Cross youth are a part of youth groups in the schools, so they will not be meeting again until next term. My days there are never the same. Some days I help edit a co-worker's poetry and others I end up at random camps helping with arts and crafts. I have been discussing with my counterpart the possibility of doing individual group work with the school groups next term; perhaps HIV/AIDS education curriculums or peer education. I am trying to be patient and let things develop as they may, which is easier said then done.

"Summer" is a good time to take advantage of opportunities to experience other activities implemented by other Volunteers to help me get ideas and whatnot. So, last week I participated in Camp Lajwa (Kweyol for "Joy"), a camp for persons with disabilities. The first day we spent at Pigeon Island with disabled persons from the northern part of the island. A separate camp was held for the south. The second day the whole island came together at the stadium near Vieux Fort. It was really neat to see the kids smiling. Some of them never really get out because of the lack of resources here. It was obvious that they enjoyed having something that was set up just for them and spending time with people who cared for and loved them. These moments remind me why this is worth it…

Recent Activities:

Last week I was able to hike Gros Piton with a few of my friends from the hiking group, Escapades. One of them is a teacher and he set up the trip for a few of his students and fellow teachers. I just tagged along with a few others. Gros Piton is the second tallest mountain on St. Lucia at 2,619 feet above sea level. It is located just south of Soufriere, which is about an hour's drive from Castries. The trail is moderate at the beginning, but quickly turns into a pretty grueling and rocky stair climb. Having not hiked in about 5 months I had to take it slow, but it was so refreshing to be surrounded by beauty and pushing myself to the max. The view from the top was incredible. There are two views: one of the southern part of the island and another of Petit Piton. Both Petit Piton and Gros Piton are volcanic mountains; they are tall, steep, and pointy. The hike down, though faster and "easier" was just as hard on my knees and leg muscles as the hike up, but it was all worth it. Just at the end of the trail one of the guys helped me get a fresh mango from a massive mango tree. It was a nice little snack to finish the day. Some of you who followed my Egypt adventures may enjoy the pictures from my Gros Piton hike.

After hiking I went straight to steel pan practice. These past few weeks we have had practice quite a bit to prepare for the "Pan Fiesta" which happened on Friday of this week. It is part of the build up to Carnival. Normally they have something called Panorama in which all the pan groups actually compete, but there was some sort of controversy that kept it from happening this year. Thankfully the Pan Fiesta was not a competition, which meant that we were able to play with the group even though we've only been playing for a couple of months. We were the third orchestra to play and we played three songs including Thriller (of course). Off-and-on rain caused us to finish playing and carrying our drums off the field by about midnight at which point it down poured. Soaked and tired I headed home with a few other volunteers and we graciously accepted a ride from the brother of one of the kids who came to camp Lajwa!

The Ups and Downs

The ups and downs continue to come, although I am adjusting to the idea that this is how it will be. Just about five months in and I think I am finally feeling comfortable. The anxiety of all the newness and unexpected stuff is calming down and life is beginning to feel normal. The cramped busses and crazy driving are routine and the 15 Eastern Caribbean Dollar cereal box somehow doesn't seem so bad anymore. Sometimes I still reflect on the fact that I did something this crazy, but I am glad that I did. There is much to be learned through this experience however hard it may be.

As always I would love to hear from all of you… seriously ;)

Bless,

Katherine

Pigeon Island

Swimming Against the Current

This could be a really cool figurative title, but my story is actual very literal. I visited a park in St. Lucia called Pigeon Island this past weekend. I was supposed to meet a few others there for some relaxation and snorkeling. Of course, I showed up an hour late and those I was supposed to meet showed up several hours late. Nothing unusual. I walked around and explored for a while; got to see a lot of cool really old buildings. Then I chilled on the beach until me and a couple others finally decided to snorkel.

 

Pigeon Island used to be, well, an island, but a causeway was constructed closing in the gap between St. Lucia and the little Pigeon Island. So now it completes what is a really large bay known as Rodney bay. So when we started snorkeling we were headed towards the opening of the bay. There isn’t much coral in the area, just some cool fish, some neat plants, and a few creatures here and there. We swam quite a ways almost to the tip of the island with nothing ahead of us but open sea.

 

As we approached the end of the island and it started to curve around, I noticed a slight current pulling us out to sea, but nothing serious. I decided not to mention it because we were planning on turning around soon. That side of the island is very rocky, almost cliff-like. The rocks underwater were covered in black sea urchins, which, if you didn’t know, will sting you and leave little prickles in your skin if you touch them or step on them. One of my snorkeling buddies climbed up on shore for a rest, and as I popped up to check on him I realized that the shore was moving awful fast, rather, I was moving awful fast! I yelled at Ashley that we were in a current. We turned around and tried to swim against it to test how strong it was and we were still moving out to sea! Luckily, the current was running parallel to shore. So we both headed straight for the rocks. Climbing on shore was made difficult by the current, some minor waves, and our attempts to try not to step on sea urchins hiding in the crevices! We made it though and had to take a moment to catch our breath after all that!

We ended up hiking back up the shore, climbing over rocks and such to a spot where the current wasn’t so bad. Then we swam all the way back. We made it in just before dark. It turns out that the current was created when they dug rocks and sand from that area to make the causeway to connect Pigeon Island to the main island. The depression on the ocean floor never filled and it created a current. Everyone else seemed to know about this, but no one seemed to think it important to warn us. All in all it was an interesting adrenaline rush and we got to see some cool fish on the way.

It's Tough Work Down Here...

Can't Help the Views :)

African Drum

Archaeological Dig